"Everyone has their 'Thing'"

It happened to me again, as it does a couple of times a year. Am I even shocked anymore? Nope-- I'm honored. It's nice to know people recognize what I'm apparently good at, and respect my experience and hard work and the countless hours of research, analysis, spreadsheets, plotting and graphing...

I got a text message from a good female friend (who is in a relationship) that just said, "Will you make me a porn DVD with good amateur porn on it?"

I'd be more surprised and shocked if I hadn't been asked similar questions before. Today my quick answer was definitely not yes. "I erased all my porn a few months ago" (true-- every now and then there's an elemental need for rebirth and reinvention), which didn't work. I then said, "I'd do ANYTHING for you, take you to the airport, help you move, lie under oath... I just don't wanna make you a porno DVD," but nope. She was persistent.

As I said, this has happened before. Once at a previous company of about 30 employees the president summoned me to his office (this is perhaps around 1995/1996). He had me sit down, then went over to shut the door. Not good. He was the kind of president that was friendly enough, but I never had more than a chatty "how ya doing?" relationship with him. A pessimist like me thinks this is about my flatulence "problem" (I call it my superpower), but instead he opens with this line: "John, I've got a weekly poker game with the guys and I want to show them some Internet porn. Where do I start?" Cool. We talked about subscription models, thumbnails, links, advertising, etc etc. Anything he asked. He was old enough where I could see him needing to ask where to get started. (When I returned to my cube my co-workers were curious what he asked me, and I just said "He told me to quit farting.")

Another time a co-worker (female) called me out of the blue to ask about a sexual term. (I wanna say this was around 98/99, so I dunno if http://www.urbandictionary.com/ was big then or not.) I explained as best I could, she said "Gross!" and there ya go. That was an interesting phone call for me, because it meant she was more comfortable asking me than her husband.

Anyway, so tonight I looked at the video clips on my hard drive from the last few months and picked a few non-threatening ones (nothing with nuns, monkeys or ballet outfits-- I'll save those for the guys in my music group), threw them in a folder and am burning the disc as we speak. Hope they are what you're looking for dad! Ooops, I mean "female friend!"